Needless to say, the time after loss is volatile and confusing for most people. Unresolved issues come to the fore and questions we have not answered must often be confronted. Along with a sense of abandonment and sorrow, anger often arises. Most have little understanding of what they are going through, or what to expect in the future. Facing the unknown can produce additional fear.Yet crisis means opportunity. When the process of grief is handled properly suffering can be diminished... Read More
In 1969, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross published her famous book; On Death and Dying and later went on to launch the Hospice movement in America. Even though her studies focused more on those who were dying than the caregivers that were left behind, her work has had enormous influence on the understanding of various stages of death and grief.She described five distinctive stages of the grief process:? Denial ? Anger ? Bargaining ? Depression ... Read More
Death: No thank you. Dying: Gives me a panic attack. Burial: Not today, please. Of all the subjects I could write about, this one is my least favorite. It, in fact, could easily send me into the mother of all anxiety fits. Nevertheless, it is necessary to visit the subject since I now live in another country.Death is a topic that I managed to avoid most of my life until January 2003, when my mother passed away. No more than... Read More
With my father, his brother and their father having had late onset Alzheimer's I can't help but wonder if someday it will be my fate. This is what I have told my family.If it is ever me with Alzheimer's disease please protect me. I don't want to be lost. I have a terrible fear of ever being lost. Keep me safe from those who would take advantage of my confusion. Keep me fed and clean and dry. That having been... Read More
One of the areas where I seem to be placing most of my focus these days is the relationship between creative expression and healing. Something that I have always found to be particularly fascinating is the fact that the words heal, whole and holy all come from the same Latin root. (Check it out!)What this says to me is that the idea of disease, is just that--dis-ease, being off center, out of sync. And to heal therefore, means the opposite--to... Read More
Memories are never to be buried along with the loss of our very loved ones. To be forever remembered as someone whom we always love, they always should be.However sadly to be saying, along the passage of time, little by little, memories of our loved ones sometimes just fade off slowly from our mind. It's so sad to know of it, isn't it? I am sure everyone would like to be remembered and not to forget about our departed loved... Read More
There is so much emphasis on emotional intelligence these days that it appears that people are suppressing their emotions and problems in an effort to "fit in," to keep their jobs, and using "positive self-talk" to muscle through the rough spots in their lives.Recently, I had a friend over who has suffered enormous job stress during a time when his wife's father was dying of cancer. Of course, quitting his job didn't seem like an option during this difficult period,... Read More
Suicide strikes...AGAIN!This may wind up being the most important article some have ever read. I hope it will not only help a few readers, but that it will open the eyes of others, aiding in their understanding, motivating them to help. I trust there will be those who will actually clip it, mailing it to someone for whom they are concerned, or posting it in the breakroom.I've written quite a bit about suicide over the past few weeks and have... Read More
In a town the size of mine - about 16,000 - can a few suicides within a 90-day period be considered an epidemic? I'd say so. Quite a few Christians have contacted me since these tragedies have occurred, people struggling with the in's and out's of suicide and its effect on one's eternal reward, among other concerns. These included the wife of one of the recent suicide victims. As a certified Workplace Chaplain, I receive various ministerial and counseling materials... Read More
Recently, several suicides have occurred right here in my own hometown of about 16,000 people. The latest of these involved a friend of mine who was, among other things, the leader of a Christian Business Fellowship which I attend. He was a lawyer with a terrific wife, two young kids, very prominent in his church, coached little league baseball. As one can imagine, speculations abound - everything from possible chemical imbalances to unfair, unfounded comments which...well, small town gossip can... Read More
I am an Angel artist and several weeks ago while listening to the late night news, a news story came on that really touched my heart. On the way home in the wedding limo ... a drunk driver caused a horrible wreck, resulting in the loss of a child and the limo driver. This story stayed in my mind. A few days later, a woman emailed me requesting my help. She wanted to know if an Angel painting could be... Read More
September 11, 2001, marked yet another significant turning point in world history. Whatever innocence was left in the world was lost on that fateful day.On lesser numeric scales, equally heinous crimes are committed against humanity virtually every day of the year.What is happening in the world? It is difficult to explain. Somehow the perpetrators of the most evil and disgusting crimes have been stripped of the virtue of mercy. It would seem that their basic humanity is simply missing.The memory... Read More
Remember the Eulogy projects we had to write back in High School? Death is a tough subject to broach, and many would rather deny death then embrace it. Someone once said, "...There are only two guarantees in life: Death and Taxes." How true is this phrase? It is normally when we are faced with the imminence of dying or death that we only begin making plans or arrangements for our transition.Having firsthand knowledge, it is very difficult to experience the... Read More
Life has always been a journey, a journey of finding of one true self and happiness. As however destined, all journeys will eventually find its very own destination and it is inevitable that every one of us will eventually have to depart from this world.Many a times in our life, we have to experience the soreness of actually witnessing the departure of some of our very loved ones. With tears we bid them farewell, to a faraway land they go.... Read More
Everyday, I look in the mirror to see the face staring back at me. Sometimes it is lined with stress, sorrow and grief. Other times, it simply smiles in humbled reservation. But the reflection of our lives... that, is who we are -- who we represent ourselves to be. For some, it is wearing hearts upon their sleeves; for others, their thoughts and words go unspoken forever.But what does having a reflection of our lives have to do with surviving... Read More
For most children, their first experience with grief comes with the death of a beloved family pet. When Zoe the eight-week old puppy dies of parvovirus or Tweety the budgie stops singing his morning song, a child experiences profound and lasting loss for the first time in their young lives.Children want and need to know about death, yet we are often reluctant - even squeamish - when talking about it. Conversations with kids about death can be extremely difficult, but... Read More
When I was born in 1962 I thought life was good. I had two parents, a twin sister, and an older brother. We lived in an apartment until my sister and I were eleven, and then we moved into a house. My brother was twenty-one years old so he moved onto his own apartment. I was the luckiest girl in the world.We were the normal family with chaos and the antics of being a family. I was blessed to have... Read More
When my phone rang the other day, it was a call from one of the "walking wounded," not unlike many that I have received during the years I have been interacting with the bereaved. I have often spoken with people who are feeling much like this caller was.The gentleman's adult son had died in an accident, and when I innocently asked how old his son was, he bristled and told me the question offended him. He said it didn't matter... Read More
Never, since man has walked upright, have people all over the globe had more educational advantages or more opportunities to practice advanced social and interpersonal skills. And yet, for the most part, we still have not learned to look past the obvious, to see beyond the exterior shell of our fellow man, and to discover the worth of the real person.We seem consumed by the superficial. We worry incessantly (to the tune of billions of dollars every year in "cures"... Read More
If we were to organize a list of the thorniest problems for the bereaved, certainly somewhere near the top would be the question of miracles. Everybody has heard anecdotal stories of certain people who have suffered incredible, life-threatening injuries or illness, but who have somehow recovered against all odds. A woman who has been in a coma for two years suddenly hears her husband's voice and awakens. A teenage victim of an automobile accident who was reportedly given no hope... Read More
